I have received permission and a blessing to start this Thread.
Mainly contributions from us fellas 'down-under' with the subject being Aussie, New Zealander, etc. Obviously, there will be the occasional 'Oirish' Joke, but it is open to all to contribute. Let's give it a go m8's!
The first contribution will be an old Aussie joke.

From black fellah to white fellah.
Dear white fellah,
Coupla tings you orta no.
Firstly
Wen I am born, I'm black.
Wen I grow up, I'm black.
Wen I get sick, I'm black.
Wen I go out in the sun, I'm black.
Wen I'm cold, I'm black.
And wen I get scared, yes, I'm black.
And wen I die, I'm still black.

But you white fellah.
Wen you born, you pink.
Wen you grow up, you white.
Wen you sick, you green.
Wen you go out in the sun, you red.
Wen you get cold, you go blue.
Wen you get scared, you yellow.
And wen you die, you purple.

And you got the cheek to call me coloured.

Great thread SS, We use that joke in the states aswell.

Here's an old Aussie classic.

Tiny kangaroo, down spot,

Sorry M8, I had too.

A couple of farmers with neighbouring properties were working together repairing a buggered fence.
One says to the other: 'I reckon I might have a bit of a problem now the shearin's done. Head down to Synny.'
'Yeah? I hear Synny's pretty interesting. What route will you take?'
'Oh, I reckon I'll take the missus. After all she stuck by me through the drought.'

Quote:

Originally posted by SydneySinbad

A couple of farmers with neighbouring properties were working together repairing a buggered fence.
One says to the other: 'I reckon I might have a bit of a problem now the shearin's done. Head down to Synny.'
'Yeah? I hear Synny's pretty interesting. What route will you take?'
'Oh, I reckon I'll take the missus. After all she stuck by me through the drought.'

Most americans won't get that one, but I do, and its funny..

^^ Fair enough. But the sad truth remains that very, very few jokes are pristine in their ocker ethnicity. Show us an Australian joke and we'll show you an English, an American or a German joke that has been on a long journey. Thus the 'what route are you taking?' yarn may well have had its origins elsewhere, where the culture allows route and root to be confused.
The Australian joke is very much like those told by Australians in pubs: always masculine, at times cruel, uncouth, disrespectful, and often racist. Australians rarely came into contact with the butt of their jokes, so there was little of the strident venom of the true racist; and more often than not, the jokes were dirty and quite often directed at themselves.

Dad and Dave Jokes..and I have a few of them up my sleeve!
Dad and Dave were standing watching a dingo licking his balls.
Dave said to Dad, Just between you and me, I wanted to do that all my life.'
Dad said, 'Go ahead, but I'd pat him a bit first,
He looks pretty vicious to me.'

Dave returned to Snake Gully after a brief trip to Europe.
Dad said, 'Reckon you saw a lot of mighty things in that Europe.'
'Sure did, Dad. Cathedrals, palaces, mansions.
But what impressed me most were the dunnies.
They sure have got terrific dunnies. And the always flush'
'Well, son,' said Dad, 'reckon you ought to build yourself one of those posh dunnies. But you'll have to get rid of the old shithouse first.'
'Nothing to it, Dad.' Dad took out a hand grenade that he happened to have on him, pulled out the pin and threw it at the shithouse.
Dad's a slow thinker and a slow mover. After a while he said, 'I don't reckon you should have done that, son.'
Out of the debris staggered Mum. She lurched up to Dad and said, 'Reckon it must have been something I ate.'

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous.
Then, later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered , lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.
'Jacky,' said the tour guide, 'what are you tracking and what are you listening for?'
The Aborigine replied, 'Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant ute. It's red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are nine black fellows in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are three kangaroos on the roof rack and six dogs on the front seat.'
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
'Goddammit man, how do you know all that?' asked one.
The Aborigine replied, 'I fell out of the bloody thing about half an hour ago.'

Dangereous Pursuits!
An Arab guy drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass
in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to
pieces. He says, 'In my country our glasses are so cheap
that we don't need to drink from the same glass
twice'A Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks
his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his
AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces.He says, 'In
New Zealand we have so much sand to make glasses that we
don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either.'An Aussie girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up
her beer and drinks it, throws her glass into the air,
pulls out her gun and shoots the Arab and the Kiwi then
catches her glass.She says, 'In Australia we now have that
many Arabs and Kiwis that we don't have to drink
with the same ones twice. God Bless Australia !

For us who live here in NSW:
Drew's Clock!
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks ?'

St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'

'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that ?'

'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'

'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one ?'

St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'

'Where's Rob "I'll lead the Nationals" Drew's clock ?' asked the man.

'Drew's clock is in Jesus's office. ... He's using it as a ceiling fan.'

Mothers always know just what to say:
A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality
from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said,
'Mom, I have something to tell you... I'm gay.'
His mother made no reply or gave any response and the son was about to repeat it to make sure
she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly. 'You're gay...
Doesn't that mean you have oral sex with other men?'
The son said nervously,
'Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right.'
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and WHACKED him over the
head with her spoon and said...
'Don't you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!!!'